What Really Makes You Happy and Can Anyone Find Happiness?

To be sure happiness is elusive – there are those who might even say it is an illusion. How does a person gauge happiness? Certainly throughout our lives what we think will make us happy changes – at 6 probably all it took was a heavily frosted cupcake. As an adult, what is it? — a great job, a wonderful relationship, an African Safari? Or is that confusing happiness with wants or desires? Our Founding Fathers knew that happiness is something we all want, but also realized that it is something to be sought after, but not necessarily obtained, as they guaranteed us the Right to the ”Pursuit of Happiness” and not the right to “Be Happy.”

Most experts agree that happiness is much less about the things we do or the things we have, or even our achievements and accomplishments – than it is about the choices we make. In fact, many believe that happiness itself is a choice. Abraham Lincoln once said, “Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” How you view the world and your place in it is a conscious choice. You can choose to find happiness in the little things, or choose to see only the negative. With the exception of certain clinical conditions and psychological abnormalities beyond the scope of this discussion, never doubt that happiness is a choice. We all know people that seemingly have everything in life, and yet are miserable, and others with little or nothing, that appear very happy. The difference is a conscious choice. To those who say – “that’s absurd, we have no control over outside horrible or tragic events – so we cannot choose to be happy.” That is true, you cannot choose whether this, that, or the other circumstance occurs in your life – but you can choose how to react to it, or think about it, and that is where the choice to be happy – or not, comes in.

There is a common myth, started by miserable people no doubt, or Ebenezer Scrooge, that most people find happy people silly or annoying. Actually, recent studies have found the opposite to be true, happier people have more friends, are married more, often stay married longer, and are more likely to succeed in their chosen careers. The same studies found that happy people are thought of as friendlier, warmer, less selfish, more attractive – and smarter, by their peers. That last one is interesting, because the idea of the “happy idiot” or “ignorance is bliss” – still pervades a lot of peoples thinking – but research has shown that there is no correlation whatsoever between happiness and intelligence.

So how then can we choose to be happy? Much has been written about that. The first step is to find a way to control negativity and negative emotions.  Follow the 80/20 rule, and find those few simple somethings that make you happy and do those. Do not dwell on the past, or the future – and I like the particular sentiments in this ancient Chinese Proverb:

If you want happiness for an hour — take a nap.
If you want happiness for a day — go fishing.
If you want happiness for a year — inherit a fortune.
If you want happiness for a lifetime — help someone else.

Don’t Quit

Anonymous

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must, but don’t you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don’t give up though the pace seems slow;
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than,
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up,
When he might have captured the victor’s cup,
And he learned too late when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out;
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far,
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit;
It’s when things seem worst that you must not quit.

This is my favorite motivational poem.

Definition of Inspire:  To stimulate energies, ideals, or actions.

Here are my top 10 picks for the best Inspirational Quotes of all time. Enjoy, and please pass them on to anybody you think might need a bit of inspiration.

#10.) “Your thoughts are the architects of your destiny.” —David O. McKay

#9.) “First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do.” —Epictetus

#8.) “Every artist was first an amateur.” —Ralph Waldo Emerson

#7.) “What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” —Anonymous

#6.) “If you don’t learn from your mistakes, there’s no sense making them.”—Anonymous

#5.) “Quit now, you’ll never make it. If you disregard this advice, you’ll be halfway there.” —David Zucker

#4.) “What you fear is that which requires action to overcome.” —Byron Pulsifer

#3.) “It’s not what you do once in a while, it’s what you do day in and day out that makes the difference.” —Jenny Craig

#2.) “Do not wait; the time will never be ‘just right’. Start where you stand, and work with whatever tools you may have at your command, and better tools will be found as you go along.” —Napoleon Hill

An the #1 Inspirational Quote is:

“Do more than belong: participate. Do more than care: help. Do more than believe: practice. Do more than be fair: be kind. Do more than forgive: forget. Do more than dream: work.”

—William Arthur Ward

Benefits of Journaling

If you want to remember something, write it down.

This is good advice. In our business pursuits – we know that nothing is confirmed until we “put it in writing.” This is also true in the areas of success and personal growth. The experts agree that a good way to set goals, be accountable, and track your progress, is by keeping a daily journal.

Pathologists and motivational trainers alike agree that journal keeping is a great road to self-discovery. Writing in a journal provides ways for you to  express your thoughts and emotions, describe problems and “brainstorm” on possible solutions. A journal also provides a place to express negative thoughts and get them “out of your system” in a positive way before they well up inside of you – potentially damaging yourself and those around you.  In his book The Healing Journey: Your Journal of Self-Discovery, Phil Rich, Ed.D., MSW, says,

[A journal] can be a place for people to talk and be honest with themselves in a way that may be difficult under other circumstances.

Other benefits of keeping a personal growth journal include:

• Recording your thoughts, ideas, inspirations – Our mind’s process information constantly. A journal is a wonderful way to record great ideas, or that fleeting thought you want to get back to – before it’s gone. In fact, many experts suggest keeping your journal on your nightstand – because our best ideas, or solutions to problems occur when our mind is in the relaxed alpha state just prior to falling asleep.
• Planning for your life – It is no coincidence that life coaches and motivational speakers use metaphors such as “Charting Your Course” or “Road Map” to success – when speaking of personal growth. Maps and nautical charts are a concrete plan, or direction – on paper.
• Improves your writing skills – Today everybody has a story tell, and there are many forums to do so from Blogs to social networking sites to local newspapers. Keeping a daily journal will improve your writing and communication skills.
• Time Management – Writing things you want to accomplish down in a journal helps you get a better handle on how many things you need to do – and realistically just how long it may take to do them.
• Journals are Empowering – Journal writing is empowering on many levels. It affirms your reality and your place in the world. Your journal will get you to know yourself better, which will improve your relationships, and journals  can be an outlet for temptations, or things you would never say or do in actuality.

Journal keeping in and of itself is a positive use of idle time. It is a stress reliever, and journal writing can actually train your mind to think clearer, better, and more consciously as you get in the habit of recalling experiences, penning observations, and drawing conclusions about them.

Setting & Achieving Goals

“Lean on me, when you’re not strong, and I’ll be your friend, I’ll help you carry on. For it won’t belong, ‘til I’m gonna need – somebody to lean on…”

The familiar words of Bill Withers’ inspirational classic – ring very true when it comes to achieving goals and solving problems. Experts agree that one of the most successful ways to achieve your personal goals  – is to share them others.

Sharing Goals Makes You More Accountable

Acceptability and accomplishing goals is the cornerstone of the concept of the Mastermind group. But sharing your goals for personal growth even with just one other person raises the level of accountability. You become accountable to that person, when you tell him or her, I am going to do “XYZ” by this or that date, towards a given goal. He or she is there to see that you keep to your word –or hold you accountable.

You can have an actual formal arrangement with this person, who will check up on your progress – or it can be just informal and still be effective. When a person close to you is aware of your goals – it will come up as gentle reminders in social situations.

For example, if you are trying to moderate drinking – the person you have shared that goal with may remind you not to order that cocktail – and also if he or she is aware of those kinds of goals, that individual will be less likely to tempt you by engaging in the behaviors you want to moderate.

Also, sharing your goals will make you more accountable to yourself. If the only one who knows about a given goal is yourself – you may be more inclined to “cheat” – but if you know others are out there cognizant of your goals and watching – it may help you stay on the “straight and narrow.”

Sharing Your Goals Gives You Perspective and Objective Advice

Let’s face it, everyone loves to give advice. And when you share a problem, or a goal with another – whether you actually ask for it or not – one of the first things they will do is offer some advice. It may not always be good advice– but sharing goals opens up a wealth of possibilities and options you may not have thought of, or experiences others may have had with reaching the same goal.

Also sharing goals brings a fresh outlook or perspective to your problem or goal. The person you share the goal with may have access to resources you do not have – or recommend books, websites, or other ideas related to the situation, you may not be aware of.

Sharing your goals with relatives and trusted friends no doubt can help you focus and accomplish your dreams. Many people are also using social networking and the power and ubiquity of those communities to share their goals online. This is especially true when it comes to less personal, or career or work oriented goals.

Even for personal goals, once you have shared them with your “Inner Circle” you can use Twitter and Facebook – to keep everyone in the loop – or get some positive feedback and encouragement by posting things like “Hey, congratulate me- today is my 5th day without a cigarette!”

Mastermind Groups

It’s an old adage –

“Two Heads Are Better than One.”

From group therapy – to brainstorming on that time critical proposal, the benefits of collective thinking have been well established. In any endeavor or field, one of the surest ways to achieve success is the creation or utilization of a Mastermind group.

The concept of the Mastermind Group was introduced by Napoleon Hill, known for his  best selling book Think and Grow Rich.  In the now classic motivational tome, Hill said,

“No two minds ever come together without it thereby creating a third, invisible intangible force.”

While written over 70 years ago, those words ring just as true today, and Hill like his inspiration Andrew Carnegie is generally recognized as one of the originators of what we now call personal success or motivational literature.

Today, Mastermind groups are created to achieve a specific task, or agenda, or exist as a kind of  “think tank” organization put together to serve the benefit of everyone who participates in the group. At its most basic level – the advantage of the Mastermind group is that of any kind of group interaction – perspective. We all know the advantage of sounding an idea off of another person. But beyond that, there are many more advantages to joining or forming a Mastermind Group.

Once you join up with a Mastermind group you:

• Become engaged with a group of people dedicated to your personal growth and success.
• Gain access to a network of resources that you could not leverage on your own.
• Receive feedback and accountability from the group that helps you remain focused on the task at hand, or your personal goals
• Make up for your weaknesses. When forming or joining a group, look for one that has the skills that you lack.

What really makes Mastermind groups different than other kinds of trade or networking groups is the idea of accountability. Accountability was the cornerstone of Hill’s original concept of the Mastermind group. Most groups set up what are called accountability partners – a person to whom you have to answer to – if you set a goal, and do not follow through.

Today, with social networking, it is easier than ever to form or find Mastermind groups or like-minded professionals to add to your success and personal growth. However, keep in mind, as with any kind of success driven activity, you

“reap what you sow”

– and will only get out of a Mastermind group what you put into it. Be prepared to participate, give you own thoughts; let the others in the group benefit from your strengths and experiences, and you’ll all be on a collective road to success.

Definition of Motivate

Here are my top 10 picks for the best Motivational Quotes of all time. Enjoy, and please pass them on to anybody you think might need a bit of encouragement.

#10.) “Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature… Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.” —Helen Keller

#9.) “The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can’t find them, make them.” —George Bernard Shaw

#8.) “I could not, at any age, be content to take my place by the fireside and simply look on. Life was meant to be lived. Curiosity must be kept alive. One must never, for whatever reason, turn his back on life.” —Eleanor Roosevelt

#7.) “Life has no limitations, except the ones you make.” —Les Brown

#6.) “Everyone rides on the merry go round of life, but very few ever take the chance at the brass ring!” —Kevin Veitch

#5.) “If you want your life to be a magnificent story, then begin by realizing that you are the author and everyday you have the opportunity to write a new page.” —Mark Houlahan

#4.) “The fear is worse than the pain.” —Shannon Bahr

#3.) “The only real failure in life is the failure to try.” —Anonymous

#2.) “I CAN is 100 times more important than IQ.” —Anonymous

An the #1 Motivational Quote is:

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t–you’re right.” —Henry Ford