Why Be Normal

(Photo: Fuzzy Gerdes)

Do You Need to be Normal to be Happy?

I remember a popular bumper sticker that read “Why Be Normal?” It is a good question. It seems that as human beings we strive for “normalcy” – if by normal we mean conformity. There has to be some level that a society defines as “Normal” – or we run the risk of total anarchy.

As youngsters, we feel immense pressure to be normal – to fit in, this is why most teenagers look alike, sound alike, and like the same music. As adults, a definition of normal and accepted group behaviors is what allows groups as diverse as cooking classes to networking organizations to function.

Yet, what is so great about normal? Is not another word for normal ordinary? Who are the heroes in your life – the people you admire? Would they be considered “normal?” or extraordinary? Were Galileo, Gandhi, Mother Teresa, Einstein, even John Lennon or Elvis for that matter –considered normal? While there is probably something very basic to survival that drives normalcy, the instinct that keeps one from “standing out from the crowd” so as not to be picked off by a lion on the plains of Africa – also stifles creativity.

Certainly, there is security and reassurance in adopting the “normal” behaviors of a given group. Conformity provides a sense of assurance, well-being – and identity. I am sure there are many people perfectly happy to be normal. There is a certain comfort in complacency. And yet, I believe there are just as many of us who are straining at the bit, just dying to break out of the constraints of normalcy – and for them the road to true happiness is not to be just like everyone else – but to dare to be considered different!

There are many things that can stand in the way of happiness and success. Having a negative self-image is certainly one of them. However, a misplaced belief in what you think you need to do to be considered “normal” can be another roadblock — and one that is often overlooked. Renowned motivational writer and speaker Wayne Dyer, wrote in his book Excuses Begone, that we need to make a list of all the things we are “unwilling to do to achieve the life we want” –with the ultimate goal of having a blank sheet.

Now, I am not suggesting being weird for weirdness sake, and that you go to your next networking meeting dressed as a chicken. However in each of us there is an opportunity to step beyond our comfort zone just a little bit, and in doing so you might surprise yourself, and others with just how extraordinary being “abnormal” can be!

Finding Happiness

(Photo: Laura  Taylor)

What Really Makes You Happy and Can Anyone Find Happiness?

To be sure happiness is elusive – there are those who might even say it is an illusion. How does a person gauge happiness? Certainly throughout our lives what we think will make us happy changes – at 6 probably all it took was a heavily frosted cupcake. As an adult, what is it? — a great job, a wonderful relationship, an African Safari? Or is that confusing happiness with wants or desires? Our Founding Fathers knew that happiness is something we all want, but also realized that it is something to be sought after, but not necessarily obtained, as they guaranteed us the Right to the ”Pursuit of Happiness” and not the right to “Be Happy.”

Most experts agree that happiness is much less about the things we do or the things we have, or even our achievements and accomplishments – than it is about the choices we make. In fact, many believe that happiness itself is a choice. Abraham Lincoln once said, “Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” How you view the world and your place in it is a conscious choice. You can choose to find happiness in the little things, or choose to see only the negative. With the exception of certain clinical conditions and psychological abnormalities beyond the scope of this discussion, never doubt that happiness is a choice. We all know people that seemingly have everything in life, and yet are miserable, and others with little or nothing, that appear very happy. The difference is a conscious choice. To those who say – “that’s absurd, we have no control over outside horrible or tragic events – so we cannot choose to be happy.” That is true, you cannot choose whether this, that, or the other circumstance occurs in your life – but you can choose how to react to it, or think about it, and that is where the choice to be happy – or not, comes in.

There is a common myth, started by miserable people no doubt, or Ebenezer Scrooge, that most people find happy people silly or annoying. Actually, recent studies have found the opposite to be true, happier people have more friends, are married more, often stay married longer, and are more likely to succeed in their chosen careers. The same studies found that happy people are thought of as friendlier, warmer, less selfish, more attractive – and smarter, by their peers. That last one is interesting, because the idea of the “happy idiot” or “ignorance is bliss” – still pervades a lot of peoples thinking – but research has shown that there is no correlation whatsoever between happiness and intelligence.

So how then can we choose to be happy? Much has been written about that. The first step is to find a way to control negativity and negative emotions.  Follow the 80/20 rule, and find those few simple somethings that make you happy and do those. Do not dwell on the past, or the future – and I like the particular sentiments in this ancient Chinese Proverb:

If you want happiness for an hour — take a nap.
If you want happiness for a day — go fishing.
If you want happiness for a year — inherit a fortune.
If you want happiness for a lifetime — help someone else.